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Main -> Dating -> How do you feel about dating someone with depression? : AskWomen
  • 16.03.2019
  • by Tatilar
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How do you feel about dating someone with depression? : AskWomen

Dating and Depression Tips Part 1

AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. As part of our commitment to that mission, the AskWomen subreddit is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions, and not serve as a debate subreddit. The quick and dirty version click the graphic for the full set :. Use the search tool and FAQ before you post. No pot-stirring. No agenda questions. This is not your personal soapbox.

Be in that funk, or do whatever it is to help improve your mood in whatever way you can. No currently dating someone but I used to. That will only make you resent them. Only stay if you truly want to stay. It is easy for the depressed person to get into a habit of having you take care of them. It starts out with them wanting to take care of themself, but slowly it becomes "Can you do this for me?

You aren't helping them by doing things for them. They need to take care of themselves - it is important to their mental state. Helping too much is actually harming. My ex suffered depression, and aside from his parents I was the only person that knew and made me promise to not tell anyone.

Look after yourself. Understand that depression is a disease. Like any disease, it needs to be treated by an appropriate, impartial professional.

Do not fancy yourself the knight in shining armor who will pluck your beloved from the bell jar to live happily ever after. If you can't let go of that fantasy, you need to let go of the relationship sooner rather than later. As a partner, it is not your place to offer unsolicited medical or psychiatric advice.

It is especially not your place to do so if you aren't qualified to treat depression as a doctor or mental health professional. If you are asked for your input, encourage your partner to seek treatment from a professional, or to seek a second opinion if they express a lack of faith in their current one. Be a neutral sounding board.

Acknowledge and validate their feelings without taking a position on the details of their care or their illness. Leave the rest to the experts. If you or someone else in your life has also been diagnosed with depression, resist the urge to project these experiences onto your partner's situation.

Everyone's symptoms are different. Everyone responds differently to medication and therapy. If you have a mood disorder yourself, or if you're emotionally vulnerable for whatever reason, proceed with extreme caution.

Think carefully about how constant exposure to a significant other's depressive symptoms will affect you. If you decide to move forward, be proactive and diligent about self-care.

Your mental health comes first. If you wind up in psychological distress as a result of the relationship, you impose an unnecessary burden on an already burdened partner, and both of you will suffer for it. There is no shame in admitting that you aren't well-suited for this particular challenge. The earlier you're able to come to terms with this, the easier it will be for both of you.

Read the fuck out of whatever reliable sources you can find about depression for the sake of being knowledgeable enough not to put your foot in your mouth, but for the love of all that is holy do not let this tempt you into playing therapist. This is for your own edification, not so you can fix your partner or show off. That said, no matter how much you study, if you do not have a confirmed diagnosis of depression yourself, you don't understand their experience.

Not fully. Sometimes, you'll have to take them at their word, because you'll never be able to wrap your head around the matter at hand. You will need to accept and embrace this as fact for the relationship to work.

Some people have difficulty with the concept that a relatively advantaged person cannot fully understand the experience of a relatively disadvantaged person, or that the disadvantaged person's voice carries more weight with regard to their own experience. If you're the kind of person whose hackles get raised when someone suggests that your privilege be checked, you have some reckoning to do before take the relationship to the next level.

I say all of this as a person with a depression diagnosis and as a person who has dated others with depression diagnoses. For expediency, I'll wrap this up with a list of things that should never come out of your mouth and add to it if I think of more later.

Sadness is not depression. They are different things. It isn't productive or helpful to make the comparison. Don't make them feel guilty. Don't make them feel like they need to hide their mental state for your protection. If you have thoughts like this, unpack them with a therapist of your own.

Counseling can be beneficial even if you're not mentally ill. EDIT This one applies in the context of discussing depressive symptoms, not life in general. Obviously, you do plenty of things wrong that offend your partner in a way that has nothing to do with their illness. By all means, call yourself out if you think that's happened. Some people find talk therapy without medication effective, or vice versa. Some people choose less common forms of treatment, like ECT. Or experimental treatments, like ketamine clinical trials.

If they're working with a medical doctor or qualified mental health professional and no harm seems to have been done, let them do their thing. Only interject if they're doing unsafe things to cope, like engaging in self-harm or substance abuse, if their mood takes a sudden turn for the worse, or if they start to express suicidal thoughts.

If your partner discloses that they have depression but has not had a depressive episode since you've known them, don't question the validity of the diagnosis or the necessity of ongoing treatment.

Some people have a single major depressive episode, take medication or undergo therapy until they've recovered, then wrap up their treatment and go on with their lives.

There are people who fall somewhere between these two categories. From firsthand experience, there are few things more annoying than a partner who can't grasp that a well-managed mental illness still existseven when the symptoms are under control.

Don't even do this in a well-meaning, optimistic, "maybe you're better now and don't have depression anymore! You wouldn't tell a diabetic to stop their insulin injections because their last few blood sugar readings were good, so don't it here either. It's an admission that you buy into the stigma surrounding the condition. Been with my poor bf for seven years now.

I always knew something was up but we couldn't quite put our fingers on it. It wasn't until he lost both his parents within two years of each other that he was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It's not easy. There were many late nights, many tears, lots of shouting, suicidal threats etc. We got him to a doctor last year and he's on four different pills.

He's made some excellent progress but it was a battle. The best thing I can say is be patient. Some days are better than others. Make sure they're taking their medicine, seeing their doctors, eating and sleeping. If they are having a panic attack, don't say to calm down.

No shit sherlock, she gets that she needs to calm down, but its not like a light switch. Understand that from her perspective its more realistic that she may need a lot of time to calm down, so give her the time and patience instead of saying stuff she already knows. Additionally, always try and point out the positives of every situation. When someone is sad, counting your blessings can be difficult, so you can help them by clearly letting her know that yeah, things are bad right now, but its not all that way.

Dont point out obvious positives like "your not homeless", as that may make her feel guilty for being sad when others have it so much worse. Instead, point out things that are good about the current situation, even if you have to get creative.

And of course, I'm here to talk whenever your down. Its not all bad, alright? Another tip, try and support thier decisions as much as realistically possible.

Yeah if she harms herself, try and talk her out of it in a polite and understanding manner, but acknowledge that you can see why she does it, and express that while its a worrying habit, she should try not to be ashamed about it, and instead focus on improving witg your help. Sometimes being there for her to comfort them, even a little, is time spent where they could be doing something much worse. If they have harmf habits, be with them every step of the way, if your kindness keep her mind and body occupied, she won't be cutting while talking to you, and her mood might improve to have stopped the urge for the moment.

Also, remember to keep moving forward. Not just in your relationship, but in life. In the future your relationship might have improved enough where you live together, which means easier access to kindness when they need it, just to give an example. Encourage her that life, while it does suck ass at times, is truly a gift, and one that you are more than happy to share with her for as long as she needs.

Knowing you will be by her side the whole time, may give her some motivation to keep living. Telling her dying will leave people behind will just make her feel guilty about wanting death, so instead of acting out of quick concern, show her that life has its merits. All in all, just think about how you say things and what you say very carefully.

Always think: how would she react to certain phrases given her depression? Just say whatever will make her rhe most happy. To people with depression, kindness alone can't always remove the rainclouds, but if you get creative and make them feel loved, not by just telling them, but with every word or action making her feel like you truly care about her well being, that is how kindness can truly not only save her life, but make it an enjoyable one to spend.

Reminds me of the song War by Icon for Hire.

Dating Someone With A Mental Illness Can Be Hard, But This Guy On Reddit Totally Nailed It

Still a bad ass song but I felt it left me wanting more. Regardless, it really sums it up perfectly. Basically when the depressed person doesn't cheer up quickly enough, you come to the conclusion that they want to be depressed and leave.

My first four years of depression i fought the entire time against proffesional treatment because of a number of reasons, including embarassment in even admitting i had it. Nobody really ever demanded it of me either. They just told me to do x y or z to stop being depressed, usually fitness or water drinking or just happy thoughts or wake up early or other such things. Things that are of course harder with depression. I believe i am actually recovering, and out of my recovery i am getting fucking pissed with people and how they handled me during my depression.

And how they treat me now too a lil bit but that's different. I wish they HAD left me alone instead of giving me this shit advice and making me feel even more like a failure because running once a day wasnt curing my condition or whatever, then making me feel like shit because they were assuming the worst about me and my efforts. Fuck those people. It refers to if someone refuses to get the help they need therapist, medication, abuses substances as a quick cover, etc then they have decided and are determined to drown themselves.

It comes from the metaphor that depression can be used for other illnesses both physical and mental is like drowning in the ocean. Because as we all know, depression is a completely rational illness. Sufferers have zero trouble getting up and getting help.

Just takes a little motivation and they'll see a therapist and be better in no time. Some people actually believe what I just typed up there. The problem is depression makes taking the first step the hardest.

Few of any people are determined to be depressed. Most really can't pull themselves out to the point that they can get help without incredible difficulty and second thoughts. So many have already said this, but that will not make it any less true: be patient. Make a conscious decision to understand your partner, and figure out what they need when they are in a bout of depression. Do they need to be by themselves for a while? Do they need you to be there? It is not your job to.

With that said, take care of yourself. Acknowledging you have needs does not make you selfish. Allow yourself the time and space to recover.

You are just as human as your partner. If you are currently in a relationship with someone who is suffering from depression, hang in there. Basically just don't stress about it.

If they are in a depressive mood, don't get upset about it because its not like a healthy person getting upset, which usually is proceeded by a reason and a method to make it better. People with chronic depression are just gonna be sad sometimes, its like a chronic physical illness.

Dating a depressed girl reddit

You basically need to learn to separate your emotions from theirs, otherwise they're going to bring you down and make you miserable.

You have to be a little bit callused if you want to survive your partner's deppression, for the good of them and you. If it's too much for you or affects you negatively, break up. Don't trade your own mental wellbeing for another human's.

Honestly sit your self down and time 5 minutes. Write down a pros and cons list and asses if that person makes you happy and that the pros outweigh the cons. Realize And understand how their previous experiences have led them up to how they feel.

You can't always fix them, and that's not your fault. If things don't work out, you're not a bad person. I think a lot of people won't like this, because I have noticed a trend out there lately that we need to be understanding, that we all need to be soft and all of that. But having dealt with mental health issues - I don't want to date someone, marry someone, with issues that they refuse to fix.

While it's great that people are trying to remove the stigma, and while it's great that people are trying to be more understanding that a mental health issue isn't something you can always just snap out of You cannot help someone who refuses to be helped.

If you know you have a problem then you have the insight to do something about it; and if you're not doing something about it, there is no excuse. I've been depressed, I've dealt with all sorts of mental health issues, I even slept on a bench for god's sake, and I don't want to hear anyone sit there and whine about how depression is the root of their problems.

It is a problem, one that you can either fix, or you can use as an excuse. You are the only person who can get yourself out of depression. A doctor can help you, but you have to live up to your end of the bargain. All other people can do is provide tools, and resources.

But YOU are ultimately the only person who can do anything about your depression. Not your spouse, not your boyfriend or girlfriend, not your parents, not anyone. My ex boyfriend had PTSD. Instead of getting treatment, and by that I mean real treatment I do not count just showing up to the VA to get drugs to be "treatment"he decided to milk the PTSD diagnosis for money.

When he was arrested for DUI, crashing his car into someone causing damage? He and his parents blamed his PTSD. When he was arrested on TWO separate occasions for attacking someone with a knife and then attacking officers, what did he and his parents blame? And throughout my relationship with this person, I was expected to deal with his outbursts, I was expected to deal with his mood swings, I was expected to just deal with the fact that nothing is ever his fault, and even if it is his fault, it's not really his fault because he is a veteran, and veterans apparently can do whatever the fuck they want and I'm not allowed to say anything about it.

Fighting for your country apparently makes it okay to go on violent rampages. Being a veteran makes it okay to ram your car while drunk. Being a veteran makes it okay to chase people with knives and then beat up a police officer. Because :' depression. Fuck that. There's mental health issues and then there is defeatism. I won't have anything to do with people like this or those who enable them. You didn't see me behaving this way.

How do you help someone with depression? You don't. Unless you're a mental health professional, you cannot do jack shit. Being nice is not going to help them, stepping back and saying "it's ok you have mental health struggles, you can't help it" isn't going to help them. Depression is treatable and fixable and if you're not going to do anything to help yourself, if you're not going to take steps to make yourself better, if you're not going to use the resources available to you, I want nothing to do with you.

My only advice is to have them seek help, and to encourage them to do their part in that treatment instead of just relying on meds or for the doctor to do everything for them. I spent eight years of my life trying to pull a woman I loved through depression and never saw anything more than temporary improvements.

I wasted almost a decade of my time, most of my twenties hoping that things would get better and they never did. Stupid, stupid me. That doesn't mean people who struggle with depression are automatically damaged goods unfit for love or intimacy. If they have the bad kind of chronic depression, they are going to be like that, always. You cannot love them out of it. It's exactly as fun as it sounds. We both have depression. Firstly, please talk to your doctor about medicine to help.

A therapist can also help too. But the most important thing I think is to be aware that you have depression and don't let it start unnecessary fights. Sometimes my depression is so bad that i start really reaching for excuses or reasons why im upset. This usually results in me wrongfully accusing my spouse of things he isn't doing in reality.

Is just the depression, we have to keep reminding ourselves. I dated a guy with depression when I was very young and here are some mistakes I made you could avoid:. That doesn't mean that they are a bad person, but to be honest they probably won't have a good effect on you as a person if that's the case. You can try to help them and make them feel better but know this: ultimately it is not your problem.

That sounds incredibly rude, but hear me out: Of course you care for the other person and you should. And you want them to he happy and you should want that and that's all good. But if they really can't be helped then don't let that effect you too much. If there's nothing you can do in the moment then there's nothing you can do.

If both of you are depressed the relationship is just gonna be two people feeling sorry for each other and it's miserable and a relationship can be so much better than that. My experiences. Your mileage may vary.

I haven't dated enough depressed people for this to be based on a dependable sample size. Make them feel useful. Give them small things to do to help you out - like empty the bins, or put some laundry away.

Nothing too taxing, but something that gives them some reason to get out of bed and do something. They'll feel better for doing it, and the self-esteem boost for feeling useful is a strong counter to the depression telling them they're useless. Don't overdo it, and don't ask them to do anything you know they hate at the best of times, but just involving them in what you're doing and giving them a way to feel useful is a big thing. But sometimes you need to be the bad guy.

It's easy to be the loving partner who let's them do what they need and just placates and supports them, but sometimes if something needs to happen you will need to be the bad guy who makes it happen. It's often hard to know what exactly is going on in my SO's head or what mood she's in versus what mask she is currently wearing.

Her mood can shift at a moments notice as she get tired of pretending to be okay, and while that can be surprising and concerning, its something that will happen often and you have learn to roll with it without freaking out. I'm positive I've made a million little mistakes with my SO, pretending to know what I'm talking about with regards to life or telling her things will be okay when part of me knows that's not at all what she wants to hear, but I frequently do it anyway as it kills me to just stand by doing nothing and watch as she suffers in whatever new drama is currently hurting her.

But it seems like platitudes and intervention is often not what shes looking for; she's just looking for someone to understand. This can be extra frustrating as sympathizing with her problems is not the kind of understanding she wants. She wants someone in the foxhole with her. She wants empathy, to have a bond with someone to truly understands what she's going through.

You really can't do that for them alone. Other friends can help with that, other friends who have gone through different things and have different perspective and can help her when you can't. So don't feel slighted or hurt if your SO goes to someone else versus coming to you with their current mood, as you may be great for love, affection, patience, or whatever; but you won't always be what they need.

I still sometimes struggle to understand that A friend of mine who overcame his depression once told me that his depression was a constant flow of fires being set in the forest, and that all you could do was try to stamp them out in hopes that they didn't become huge, crippling, insurmountable fires. I think about that a lot with my SO. Basically, a lot of little problems crop up and you can try and be there for your SO and be the support or help they need before the issue becomes a crippling for them.

I'm sure this will have been said a few times throughout this thread, but you won't be able to fix them. Good people around them. They'll need a lot to help them through this crucible, and while you can help them a little, this isn't some love epic. You can't simply save them through love and determination. Don't kill yourself trying to. I love the expression: "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm".

Do what you can, but not more than you can. I'm mentioning fire a lot I should look at that in myself. Not with them anymore, but don't let them center themselves around you or other non-permanent things. She let our relationship be the only thing that kept her moving forward, which is dangerous because the relationship wasn't stable to begin with, so the fall was that much harder when I broke up with her.

I've heard of another girl focusing everything on achieving an extremely hard goal, and she'd have to wear herself out in order to achieve it. Don't let that happen, don't let them become too reliant on one thing, make sure they enjoy other things besides you.

And don't burn yourself out either. Make sure they're getting legitimate professional help. You can offer your shoulder for them to cry on sometimes but it will just keep happening. Therapists actually know how to help, we don't know as much and might screw up. Be understanding. Depression is not a joke. Be there for your partner when the going gets tough, but remember a relationship is consisted on two people. Remember, before loving others, you should first and foremost love yourself.

In our relationship I'm the one with depression. My biggest advice from my perspective is to not blame yourself for your significant others mental health. You can't fix them, but you can still help by making things easier on them. If they have low self esteem, verbally note things that you notice them doing that are good eg - I love how you were so kind to that old lady or whateversomething that they have control over and choose to do that is good.

It could be something as small as 'Well done for taking your medicine today, I know it can be easy to forget'. Also, if there's something upsetting them that they can't make themselves sort out, you can help them get started if that's ok with them.

For example, if a room is messy and it's overwhelming them, start just picking up a few bits of mess. The job will seem less overwhelming when it's already been started.

And encourage them to get help if they aren't already. It honestly saved my life. My wife and I have been together a tad under 6 and a half years. She has diagnosed clinical depression, and severe anxiety issues. Wanting to be supportive is good, wanting to help too. You will have to be incredibly patient.

But you can't do it for them, and you can't do it alone. They need to be seeing professionals, and have a support group, but you can't really force these things to happen. Trying to do everything yourself, trying to do everything for them, and pushing them before they have admitted they need help leads to more destructive behavior, and back sliding mental conditions.

It took a couple years to build up a supportive friend group with my wife, even longer too beat into my in laws heads that their actions were making things worse, no matter how supportive they said they were being. It took 3 years before she admitted that she needed to seek professional help, and this only came when she hit damn near rock bottom.

Once you take that step, in a way it starts all over again.

I've been there. Dated someone for a year who was clinically depressed and had major anxiety issues. It was very challenging, and honestly it was probably a. When it comes to dating someone with a mental illness, Reddit user comforts his girlfriend through her spurts of anxiety and depression with. Depression is such a tricky thing. . I used to date someone with depression and I was depressed . Please be patient with your girlfriend.

Finding the right doctors takes time, same with finding the right therapist. Finding the right combinations of medications, proper dosage and timing can take even longer. It will exhaust you, it can drag you down. You will need to find a healthy outlet for stress relief, and to relax. You will need to take time for yourself. You can't save someone from drowning when your head is slipping under and you can't tread water anymore. It's hard, and you will really have to think about if it's worth it.

It may not be, and that's ok. It can be similar to addicts, if they don't want to help themselves, you can't make them. Even once all the treatment puzzle pieces line up, does not mean they are magically cured. Depression is something they will deal with, and fight the rest of their lives.

Things will be a lot better, no doubt, but it doesn't just disappear. Don't try to fix them and don't take it personally. It's hard not to be reactive when they're snippy. You dont have to take abuse, but some days theyll just be short or irritable and you have to put yourself outside that equation. It's also hard not to get exhausted seeing the same pattern of self loathing or self doubt over and over and over again.

The invisible part of the illness really messes with you. You can't see anything wrong so it's incredibly easy to forget it's there. It's a weird balance of watching for red flags, encouraging progress, and not being codependent at the same time.

There is an ocean of difference between being supportive in your partner's time of need and being a therapist, you can't do the latter. Treating depression is way . I've found myself in love with a woman with a long history of depression. My girlfriend has a troubled past which lead her to be very depressed before I met her. .. r/AskMen: the premier place to ask random strangers for terrible dating. r/datingoverthirty: DatingOverThirty is a sub for discussion and advice on dating and relationships for people over the age of thirty. **This is not .

TL;DR: Know your worth and your boundaries. Do not compromise and let the other person's needs usurp yours because they're suffering. I was dating someone with bipolar. I completely understood this was hard and did my best to bend my wants and needs to support him. Like, I'd want to go on dates, but he didn't have the mental energy, so we didn't. And that was fine. But then the depression hit. It was a really awful 2 weeks for me, because even though I knew he had bipolar, he'd been upset just before it occurred and asked for space.

I stuck it out, hoping I wasn't being ghosted, because he'd been a decent partner before that. After he felt better, we had a phone call, and I said "hey, we need an action plan for next time this occurs, because I can't deal with feeling that way again, I'll have to leave for my own peace of mind. Either you need to find the strength to respond to me every day, or I need to be able to drop by and check on you".

A month and a half later, I found out he went on medication because he believed that I would dump him if he ever got depressed again. I'm genuinely sorry if my conditions seemed that way to him, but I need to do what's best for me too. No one is perfect. I'm not a saint. And I thought my offer was reasonable. He literally had to do nothing except consent to me dropping by.

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We ended up breaking up on his terms, and I'm so much happier now. I wouldn't choose to date him again if I could do it over, mainly because he needed to get his shit together, and I should've just left, because the situation left some emotional damage.

But when I look back, I'm proud that I stood up for my needs. As a person with depression, the best thing my partner could do would be to learn about depression in general and how it affects me specifically. It's important to be healthy enough to be able to really know that my depression is not about you. It will affect you, but for example, needing time alone or not being up for sex isn't because I don't love or desire you, it's about me and what my experience in my brain is.

It's also good to learn to lovingly enforce boundaries. My depression doesn't mean I can mistreat my partner, and a lot of that is my job to work on, but it really helps to hear from someone I love, "Hey, this thing you're doing hurts me and it isn't ok. I love you but I can't let you treat me this way. It's not healthy for anyone to chalk everything up to depression. I'm a little late to the party, but on the off chance that someone sees this I would really appreciate some advice.

I 21F had been dating my boyfriend 22M for about a year. About 10 months into our relationship he told me that he wanted to break up. This completely blindsided me as our relationship was amazing—the most mature and fulfilling relationship I had ever had; we rarely fought because we got along so well, and when we did fight we always resolved it, and it felt we were best friends AND lovers.

I was even beginning to think that I may want to spend the rest of my life with him. We are both planning on going to medical school he is starting in July, I am beginning to apply now and I knew we could handle long distance, even for four years or more, due to the stability of our relationship.

He said that he needed time alone because he had fallen into a depression. While traditional forms of therapy are always recommended for anyone struggling with mental health issues, this Reddit user's loving gesture toward his girlfriend shows that any of us can extend a helping hand to a loved one going through a difficult time.

Sometimes it really can speak volumes when we simply reach through the fog and say, "I love you and I'm here for you," which is exactly what this boyfriend's jar of affirmation symbolizes.

The idea of using self-love and positive words strung together to create lovely, inspirational phrases and reminders was first developed by French psychologist Emile Coue in the s, but it wasn't until that the first real evidence of self-affirmations being a legitimate way to reduce stress surfaced. To further test whether or not these self-affirmations had legitimate effects on mental healthresearcher Lisa Legault of Clarkson University and her team conducted studies that assessed the relationship between self-affirmations and brain activity.

Personally, I think a big mistake many people make is that they view self-love solely as a recovery mechanism for mental illness and low self-esteem, rather than as something each of us deserves every moment of every day. Self-affirmations, for example, are something everyone should -- and easily can -- practice. Being genuinely grateful for all of the good the universe has gifted you, and having pride in who you are as an individual can really shape and set the tone of your everyday life.

Again, I understand this because I went through the same thing, but it still affects me negatively because at times where his depression was especially bad I had to work harder to pay the bills. I'm not trying to say this is our entire relationship or anything. There are plenty of days where he's his normal, happy self.

It's just that during his depressive episodes our relationship can be really, really difficult for a while. I love him and I love being with him and I wouldn't leave him for the world, but honestly sometimes when I think about the fact that, if he doesn't seek treatment, I'm probably going to be dealing with the listed issues and some I left out for the rest of my life it does make me sad.

It makes me even more sad to think about what's going to happen if he waits to get treatment and then realizes how much time he wasted. It's worth it for me, but I would strongly prefer if he went to therapy and tried to do something to change things. Have questions about this moderator action? I love him and it's mostly good, so yeah, I think marrying him is a good idea. In my view, you're supposed to love each other despite flaws. It gets really old. Depends on how they are controlling it, whether they're in treatment, and following medical advice.

Is he taking antidepressants, if they are prescribed? So I suppose I should have said, simply, taking their meds if applicable, and compliant with their treatment program. If they're not compliant or not in treatment - hey, I don't judge if that's how a person chooses to handle their depression, but likely we wouldn't be compatible in the dating realm.

It's like any other marriage as far as I can tell - it has it's ups and downs. Sometimes the downs are caused by his brain chemistry rather than external circumstances, which can be mildly frustrating to deal with as there's nothing we can do to fix it other than wait it out.

All in all, though, it's good. Our relationship is solid, and over the years I've learned what not to do. He didn't really have to tell me he had it.

I was friends with him for three years before we started dating, and while we were teenagers it was fairly apparent. Dated a guy with manic depression. It sucked, one moment he was over the moon about everything, the next he wanted to die. After about a year he got anti depressants, and he became completely mellow and emotionless. Sucked just as bad.

I found it very difficult to date someone like that, we broke up a year later. But, my sample size is a grand total of one. So that's the only experience I can rely on in this case.

However, I would be very hesitant to date someone with depression again. Yeah that's a whole other ballgame right there. Bipolar depression tends to be much worse than its unipolar counterpart and then extremes of mania with it make it all the more debilitating. But I wouldn't lump him in with "those who have depression" because bipolar disorder is its own demon with its own set of struggles.

It was once an issue in a relationship, but it really wasn't the depression at all but how it was communicated and handled obfuscation, weed.

Since then I have had several periods of depression myself including when this relationship ended, ironicallyso it is not an abstraction to me. If anything I think I would feel closer to someone with an inclination toward depression. I have an underlying bipolar disorder, so I think it would be a bad deal for both of us.

I'm aware it's a double standard, but I view it similar to how two recovering addicts should not be together. If one of us slipped back into it, we could drag the other down with us. I would be cautious but probably OK with it? My mental health is kind of all over the place at a moment so I feel like having two people struggling in a relationship might be a bit tricky.

It's hard. Really hard, but if they are open to fighting it together which my girlfriend isthen it's really worth it. I probably wouldn't do it again. I had a long term relationship with someone that had unmanaged depression and in hindsight it wasn't worth it.

I have depression and I am also extremely empathetic. I was married to a man with depression and the last few years I felt like I was drowning. He refused to get help or to work on it and I was doing my best to work on mine, but he was suffocating me with his depression. The depression is one of about 30 reasons why we split up but I don't think I would date someone with depression in the future unless it was extremely well-managed.

Like, even more well managed than mine. That might seem selfish but I've learned that sometimes when you have depression it is important to put your own happiness as a priority.

I haven't been able to get it all under control yet and my meds aren't working, so I think I'll stay away. But I'm not opposed to dating someone who has depression.

I've been thinking a lot lately about whether it's "right" for someone suffering from mental illness to be going on dates and seeking relationships. r/AskWomen: AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all . She had severe depression and anxiety issues, and at first it was fine, and I thought . pay and duration as women receive with maternal leave, why or why not?.

That would be insensitive on my part. And I'd love someone to be able to understand me and know just how bad it can get and not put me down for it my boyfriend has a tendency to do this bc he doesn't understand. I'd just need to know that he had himself together first and I the same, so that we wouldn't take each other down further.

That's the problem with depression. Misery loves it's company and I'm not strong enough to resist that right now. I'll just say that it's up to the individual. Some people are able to control it and might be self-aware of their triggers, so while there still may be hardships, it might be easier to deal with them.

Some people have more severe depression and have low energy, so it really does become a big issue and you'll have to weight a lot of factors in deciding if it's worth it. I know some couples that do have an individual who is that severely depressed and while I personally would not want to deal with them, their spouses love and respect them. My SO and I both have moderate depression and it can cause stress at some times, particularly because we don't want to worry the other one and may keep minor or not so minor problems a secret from them.

I will fully accept that for a lot of people, that behavior is not ok. The thing is, we are both working on it and we're both aware of why we do it, so while this is an issue, it is one that we're trying to work on as oppposed to a deal-breaker.

It really depends on how many spoons you are willing or able to give. There's a saying that's along the lines of you should work on your own problems before involving another person in your life, and while I think that's fine for temporary things, some problems are there forever. While I would never blame a person for not wanting to date a person with depression, sometimes people find ways to make it work and can even help each other improve their situations.

I do think that it requires a sense of self-awareness and that you need to be willing to meet a person halfway, but if you meet someone that you really like, don't be afraid of pursuing a relationship.

I have it, so it'd be a bit hypocritical not to date someone else who struggles with it. It really depends on how well they manage it and how good they are at communicating their emotions. I couldn't be with someone who refused proper treatment. Already been through that with my mother, and it's no fun. Not positively. I grew up with some people who made my life hell, and I'm not the happiest person myself. I could use someone upbeat and easygoing in my life. It poses alot of questions.

Is it well managed? Does this person try to take responsibility of their issue and do what needs to be done to take care of it and help themselves? Like stay on there meds, see a counselor, try to xo healthy things for their mind and body. Or are they Woa is me and place blame on everything around them and always makes excuses? Is it a semi temporary thing because of death in family or unfortunate circumstances that have come up that they are trying to move past or is it something they have had for a long time and runs in the family too?

If the later is the case, and say things really take off with this person, you guys end up getting married, are you okay with having kids that maybe this same way? Lots of things to think about. It really depends on how severe it is.

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I think we can all go through difficult times, sometimes we end up very depressed, but to be in a severe bout of depression would be too much for me and this is speaking from the position of having been there myself and having dealt with mental health issues in the past. I would only stick around if I was already in a relationship with her or the depression wasn't extreme I have bipolar disorder, so I don't mind it.

It might be hard, but I am not against it at all.

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